Today was so extremely sad and depressing. It was the last day of school. For about the past 4 years the last day of school has broken my heart and made me so sad, not necissarley sad because i was gonna miss my friends over the summer [which i do] [but i do see them a lot during the summer, we always get together]. But i was definitely sad [and of course still am] about missing teachers, because i usally don't end up seeing them till the beginning of school [which really sucks....the teachers at my school are freaking awesome people]. Anyway, i remember saying at the end of 6th grade to my friends...something along the lines of "Guys, you dont even realize, the next 6 years of our lives or going to fly by, and before we know, tommorrow we'll be graduating". Boy i don't know what i'm gonna do on that day, or the days before and after. I'm balling like a baby now, and i still got 3 more years. I assure you that I will be a complete wreck on that day and will probabley have several breakdowns. Ever since 6th grade i cannot even listen to the song graduation[friends forever] by vitamin c during anytime of the year, especially near the end and beginning or the year, or during summer, i'll start balling on the spot. It's pathetic, i know. But anyway, when i said that thing to my friends [in 6th grade], i dont think they realized how fast the next 6 years would go. And i think i did realize it a little, and was sad about it because my sister graduated that year and went through all that horrible end of high school stuff. So besides the fact that i'll miss all my teachers and friends over the summmer, and that fact that we only have 3 more years together,and how the awesome seniors wont be back next year, and how our freshman year was gone before it started.....i was/am also sad about how different our school will be next year. They are making so many huge changes that will make our school days so different. And I HATE change....sooo much. I really enjoyed how things were going to past 3 years and really mad theyre changing so much. I guess i'll just pray its for the good, and I know that God has a plan and knows what hes doing. It's a mighty fine thing, knowing no matter if i'll ever see my friends again, or how different things will be, God is always in control, he is always there. And thats all we need, praise God for that. Well i really could keep going on about how depressed i am, but ive found [for myself] the best way from being sad about stuff is completely ignoring it, which i was able to do for most of the day....haha but defintely not all of it. Ok one more rant! haha. So at the beggining of spanish today i realized something so extremely heartbreaking to me, yes i did cry. I was thinking about it and i wasnt really sad or emotional because i was in a really bad mood all day and extremely tired. Then my best friend who this sad thing is about came up to my desk. I just kind of looked at her and said in a dry tone, "emma, do you realize that today was our last day of choir together, forever". This is something that probabley will be hard to understand for anyone except emma and i. We had been together in choir for the past 3 years, i think the only time we didnt sit by eachother was for 1 semester last year, but even if we didnt sit by eachother [which was because she was an alto and i a saprano] we were still always together when not sitting. Choir was emma and I's home, our safe place to be. We were partners in crime. Always did everything together in choir. Choir was OUR place. Were we had the best of times. After i said that to emma she asked in almost a shaky tone why i didnt tell her while we were in choir, and i said i didnt realize it then. Then we both gave out and started crying. What we were known for in choir was eachother [and being the teachers favorites =]] She will be in audtition choir for the next 3 years, and i in normal choir. This is a sad thing. I'm not sure what im gonna do next year. Thankfully i'll have other friends in choir next year, but i will not have my best friend, my partner in crime, my choir buddy. Well this is one time i cried today, i cried like 20 minutes after that cuz one of my friends talked about how were gonna graduate and none of us will ever see eachother again or talk to eachother...i cried at this. I know it is kinda pathetic and i'll probabley get over it years after i graduate, but this is something heavy on my heart, my friends are on my heart, my class is on my heart, my teachers are on my heart, my school is on my heart, and my memories our on my heart. I know this is just an extremely small portion of my life, but i will remember these times forever, these memories, these people. For its the people who make it happen, who make it what it is. And they will always be in me.
